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Beyonce and Me

Had my first ever virtual health check with my physician today. During this pandemic I have been trying to make sure I appreciate everything I discover that brings me joy; my first virtual health check is going in the top five on that list! I know it’s not the same as having your doctor observe and assess in person, but I found a lot to love. May I share?

No trek to the doctor’s office.

No navigating through traffic to get to the appointment.

No trouble finding a parking space.

No sitting beside the stranger in the waiting room who wants to engage in a conversation even though I am clearly reading.

No stranger peeking at the cover of my book and asking me what I am reading.

No pressure from trying to make the book I am reading seem like it has some intellectual value to the stranger when the cover clearly shows its lowbrow stuff.

No pressure on myself to bring a better book to my next appointment to redeem myself to the stranger who thinks I am an idiot.

No trying to check emails only to find that the Wi-fi is not accessible to patients.

No being put in a room after being weighed, only to wait again before the doctor actually shows up, thus giving me 15 full minutes to think about the number I just saw on the scale.

No need to use the public restroom, wear a mask or walk past the guard who really likes perfume. (In fairness, her smile and friendliness more than make up for my light-headedness.)

No temptation to stop at the Starbucks nearby on the way home from the appointment and consume 430 calories in my favorite coffee beverage as a reward for me going to the doctor and being told I am just as unhealthy as I was the last appointment.

No shame for not feeling guilty for still not being healthier.

No need to be concerned about whether I took every precaution I should have to stay safe while in the medical building.

Lastly, for some odd reason, it makes me feel like a VIP. Why? I don’t go to the doctor, she comes to me in the comfort of my home. That’s what happens to VIPs. I feel like I have yet another thing in common with Beyonce. Before my list of similarities with her just included that she is a billionaire and I am a thousandaire. Another similarity was that the world is Beyoncé’s oyster and I like oysters. Beyoncé has a trainer and I once had a training bra. Also, her daughter is Blue Ivy and I sometimes feel blue. Don’t try to pretend you don’t see the glaring similarities. They are staring you right in the face!

This virtual health stuff is taking me over the top and has renewed my affinity to her. It really makes me feel like I am in Beyoncé’s league. Think about it: Do you really think Beyoncé goes to the doctor? I bet the doctor goes to her house. Just like mine now comes to mine. I know it’s not the same, but I can pretend if I want to. Ok, I see you smirking. Let’s make a deal: I will work on not pretending my lifestyle even remotely resembles Beyonce’s if you promise to work on not being a hater. Meanwhile someone get my BFF Michelle O on the phone!

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