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Tarnished By a Lie

If you read or listened to me read my poem “I Believe You” which was about sexual violence against women, you probably know I have some fairly strong feelings about that topic. I have seen women whose lives have been destroyed by sexual abuse and rape. I know too that there have been numerous cases where females were the cause of the destruction of other lives by making false allegations of sexual violence.

Part of the mission here at Earrings Off! is to fight for the wellbeing of our community. We can’t be well if we are reluctant to discuss harmful truths such as cases where females have made false allegations of sexual abuse against men. Sometimes when the women are rejected in the relationship or they find themselves in compromising positions or events that they are embarrassed to divulge, they see no other option but to lie. Consequently reputations are irreparably ruined.

I witnessed an example of such devastation first hand, years ago, when I worked in the Hearings and Appeals Unit of a social service agency. In one case, an allegation of abuse against a minor had been made. There was a young male, in his first year of his profession, who was accused of sexual molestation of a teenage girl. The teenager alleged that the perpetrator forced himself on her and kissed her. After the allegation was made, he was immediately suspended from his job, pending the outcome of the investigation and the hearing determination which took months. When such allegations are made, people close to the person may not waver in their support; however, many times the accused person instantly becomes a pariah and is shunned.

After hearing from witnesses and reviewing the evidence, the ruling was that he did not kiss her. I believe that the young girl experienced what many young girls experience: She had a crush on the young man and fantasized about a relationship with him. While I can’t remember all the specific details of the case, what I will never forget is the look on his mother’s face throughout the hearing. She looked haunted and hopelessly confused throughout the proceedings. The mother appeared to be trying to make sense out of how her hardworking, good natured and accomplished son could be accused of such an act. She knew he hadn’t kissed a minor. I knew that too. I also knew that a kind soul who always wanted to give back to society by inspiring young minds to soar, was going to put as much distance as he could between him and any job which required that he independently supervise minor females.

While the ruling eventually exonerated him and would have allowed him to return to work, my guess is that he never did. So, while I vehemently support victims of abuse, I know there are indeed cases where the “victims” make false allegations which result in untold devastation to others. Sadly, that too is a fact.


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